What I Long For

Today was the day for faithfulness. In some sense, like many of the other fruit it is a rather esoteric principle that contains little extra actions that need be taken. I mean, hopefully I'm faithful already. Or, at the very least, not unfaithful.

But it does make one think. What, after all, need I be faithful to? What is it in my life that requires my dedication? My long obedience? My steadiness?

My relationship with God. My relationships with others. My commitments as a student. My calling as a minister. My duty as a son. The list goes on.

Faithfulness makes me think of my grandfather...he was always a stickler for it. For being dependable. For keeping your word. Its something I'll always remember about him. It's something I believe in.

It's something I believe in so much that, as I thought about it today, one needs to be careful about how much they pledge to be faithful to. How much they commit. For if being faithful truly means being steadfast and fully present to the commitments we make, spreading ourselves too thin with a multitude of promises is almost as bad as casually ignoring them.

Turns out priorities are important even when deciding what to be faithful to.

Both lazy disregard for commitments and stretching our bounds with pledges too many runs the risk of being unfaithful. And that's something all of us--especially us overachieving pastors--need always keep in mind.

Post Hoc Ergo Propter Hoc

I'm not perfect. Like so many others, I falter occasionally and give into my own selfish desires and casual laziness. I'm neither the nicest person nor the kindest, and I know it.

That said, I feel that in general I'm a pretty good guy. Though imperfect, I do try my best to focus upon the right and do the good thing. Which is, I suppose, why reflecting on the fruit of the spirit known as "kindness" and "goodness" has for me been a curious thing.

You see, my problem has not so much been that I've been bad or unkind these past two days...but rather that my actions in this direction have stood out too little from my baseline behavior. As a Christian and a pastor, these traits are often a part of who I am and how I comport myself (however imperfectly). Trying to be "extra kind" feels a little like forcing the issue when there are no such opportunities.

Yet in the midst of all of this, I was able to reflect a little more today on goodness and kindness through a set of circumstances. You see, today I had decided to spend my time fasting (something I haven't done for a little while and felt that I should). This went alright until I ran into a friend from college who had just moved to Princeton.

Having forgotten to help them move in earlier in the day and wanting to welcome this friend to town, I considered offering to take them to dinner. Though aware of my previous commitment to not eat, I knew that the kind and good thing to do would be to forgo my fasting in favor of greeting an old friend.

So I made the decision.

As I was doing so, I was reminded of Jesus' teaching and call to remember the true life of faith...and wondering if through this experience He was reinforcing in me God's call to make sure nothing came in the way of "true religion" and a loving faith.

It will be something to think about as I turn my attention tomorrow to....faithfulness.

"For I desire steadfast love and not sacrifice, the knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings." Hosea 6:6

Consider

The more I think of it today, the more I believe patience is not simply about waiting around for what we want to happen. Despite what it might seem, being patient has relatively little to do with wasting time.

Rather, its about not wasting our time and energy on worry. Not being caught up in the concerns of the future and perhaps failing to pay attention to the present.

From a certain point of view, maybe patience is just about learning to appreciate each moment and living them to the fullest.

And I like that.

"Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds!" Luke 12:24

Pax

Peace was the order of the day during my little tour through the fruits of the Spirit.

Yet for some reason I found it a bit hard to actually "practice" peace today.

Not that I wasn't peaceful...I think I was. It's just that I don't know if there were many opportunities for me to be at peace beyond the occasional squelching of common irritation or impatience at the smaller stressors of life.

I thought perhaps that I might try my hand at being a peacemaker...yet there too I found little opportunity beyond the exigencies of my life's normal course.

I suppose the from a certain point of view today should be characterized a success. Problem is: it just didn't feel out of the ordinary.

Maybe that's a good thing. Perhaps I'm just normally a peaceful person. Perhaps God has created me this way and His Spirit has worked in me in this manner.

Whatever the case, probably the most important thing for me to remember is that any peace worthwhile doesn't come by our efforts alone--the worlds' efforts. They come from God.

How does that work? That's something to think about.

"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you; not as the world gives, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." John 14:27

Down In My Heart

In this day focused on joy, I found myself sorely tempted to be angry. You see, my senior pastor had asked if I could help a lady in our church move some of her possessions. A quick job, I thought...so myself and a man from the church traveled to her apartment to move what was needed.

Apparently, I thought wrong. What had been described as a "shed" was rather a large closet stuffed to the brim with tons of stuff. Old toaster ovens. An open bottle of detergent. A school desk. Clothes. Heavy boxes.

My friend and I had to move the things from the storage room, down the stairs, into a van, across the street, and into her new apartment. Not exactly what I had planned on.

Two and a half hours later, we were done. In that time, I had sure opportunity to be less than joyful. And at moments I was.

Yet for the most part, I had what I felt was a certain joy. Not happiness, mind you....but joy. A trust and thanksgiving to God for what he has provided and a kind of satisfaction with the work he has given me. It's been a bit of a theme today in all I've been doing. Just, well....a kind of peace and rejoicing in the place God has put me. And that's something I should dwell upon more often.

This morning I read from Psalm 4. Verses 6-8 helped me see--and learn, I think--what I did today.

"Many are asking, "Who can show us any good?"
Let the light of your face shine upon us, O LORD.

You have filled my heart with greater joy
than when their grain and new wine abound.

I will lie down and sleep in peace,
for you alone, O LORD,
make me dwell in safety."

All You Need

Today I attempted love. Attempted to reflect upon it and actually live it out. That was the goal.

I started reading a little 1 Corinthians 13 and 1 John...I prayed a bit, and then headed out into the day.

Along the way I learned a little about myself. Or rather was reminded.

It all happened during a lunch meeting I was having with some fellow ministers. Near the end of our time, one of the fellows there was sharing about his mother's cancer. He indicated that the prognosis was not good (only four to six months). A tough situation--and one that I was attempting to give attention to.

The trouble was, as time ran on I began to be distracted. To be impatient. To want to be elsewhere. And as that was beginning to happen, I came face to face with my own apparent lack of love.

Why, after all, was I so impatient? Where was my love? What kind of a person am I?

I share this not to show how horrible I am...because there are certainly other ways in which I have loved today. Rather I say what I say because it shows me how far I have to go in love. How much I need to let the Spirit work in me.

Because in this day devoted to love it still took conscious effort for me to do so.

It's something to pray about--and keep in mind even as I turn tomorrow to...joy.

There Is No Law

Tomorrow I am--together with a friend--going to begin an experiment. No chemicals or mathematical equations involved here, but rather the inner workings of mind, action, and spirit.

You see, tomorrow I'm going to begin to really think about the "Fruits of the Spirit" found in Galatians 5:22-23. There, Paul lists what he considers to be nine essential characteristics of the Christian alive in the Spirit:

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law."

I've been a faithful churchgoer and believer for some time now, and I can tell you that we Christians hear about this fruit a lot. We learn it when we're in Sunday School. We read it every time we pass through that part of the Bible. It's a part of the Christian vocabulary...and a good part.

But as with so much else, I feel like I haven't necessarily given enough attention to these spiritual traits. Haven't really focused on what they mean. Haven't really seen them as more than a nice list. Haven't taken the time to think about how they would really be lived out.

So that's what I'm doing now. Starting tomorrow, for each of the next nine days I am going to attempt to live out the fruit listed in Galatians 5 one by one. I do this not to try to prove I'm better than anyone else nor to attempt to make myself into something that only God's Spirit can make me, but rather so that I can understand more about what God calls the Christian to be and hopefully allow Him to work something new in me.

That's the plan. Join along if you like. Tomorrow is: Love.

Misplaced Hope

Last night I finished reading That Hideous Strength, the final part of C. S. Lewis' Space Trilogy. Its an interesting set of books that seek to retell the story of God and His work from a more cosmic--and lively--perspective. In the final volume, the forces of science ally themselves with more sinister spiritual powers in an attempt to achieve their nefarious ends, while a stalwart band of humans find themselves guided by angelic beings to offer the necessary resistance.

Its an engaging book, and one I understand much better now than when I initially read it in my high school days.

One of the characters that jumped out to me during this readthrough was Mark Studdock. Simply stated, he is a scholarly man torn between his desire to be identified with the "in crowd" (in this case those allied with the forces of darkness) and the more simple and authentic life he left behind long ago.

While in some sense his dilemma is nothing more than the old spectre of peer pressure writ large, I still can't help but identify with it. For though age has given me some distance from this stereotypically teenage plight, from time to time I can't help but get the twinges of desire for my own increased social mobility, standing, and respect. I get the feeling that I want to be something more in everyone else's eyes and that if I just try a little harder or politick a little more it can be so.

It's easy to fall into that trap...to want so badly the approval of our peers--or of a single person--that we'll bend and fold and shape ourselves into all sorts of contortions to arrive at that desired outcome.

Reaching beyond ourselves for something more is understandable. It's human. But denying who we are while doing that puts us in the gravest danger--the danger of losing ourselves and becoming a flat and lifeless parody of those around us.

And if we're really willing to do that? Then we're in quite a bit of trouble.

How much better the final fate of Lewis' Studdock, who in the end decided against the foolish path of comfortable accomodation and quickly felt "the relief of no longer trying to win these men's confidence, the shuffling off of miserable hopes...the straight fight, after the long series of diplomatic failures, was tonic."

Some days we all could use a bit more of that tonic as we begin to fight for who we're really supposed to be--regardless of the shifting sands of popular opinion or public approval.

Its true whether we're teenagers or not. And that's a fact.

Speak Softly

While there are few things in this life that really get me fired up, the task of preaching--bringing the Word before God's people--is something about which I feel deeply. I just do.

In my mind, it's a unique moment in our world. It is a human endeavor, but it is a work of the Spirit. It is public, but it is not a performance. It is common, but never base....at least it shouldn't be.

And in our world of 130 television channels and ever-decreasing attention spans, it is the one time of the week that no channel surfing can occur. A time when we are called to listen and by the power of God to be transformed by the experience.

Which is why I often feel sad when I hear a sermon that smacks more of personal opinion or public chiding than anything else. Where instead of using the moment as a time of public instruction and discipleship it plows ahead critiquing without caution, failing to take into consideration the deeply held thoughts and feelings of those faithfully listening.

Some would say that preaching of this sort is necessary and part of what it means to call Christians to account. To a certain extent I agree. Our world would be a much better place if ministers would learn what it really means to challenge their flock and hold them accountable to the things of God.

The trouble is, I'm not sure that all "prophetic" preaching is really that. In many ways, I feel like more of it has to do with personal preference and an unwillingness to walk slowly with a congregation as God works His change in them in His time. But still...it's an easy mistake for a preacher to make--one which I have been guilty of myself.

As with anything, to jump wildly ahead to a place far beyond is difficult, but at the same time rewarding. Yet to ask those around you to do the same? Often impossible.

And while God is amazingly skilled at working the impossible, I'm not convinced the swift and steady transformation is always His way. Sometimes seeing something new takes time. Sometimes God needs to bring us through certain pathways before we can be transformed. Sometimes we simply need someone to understand where we are before asking us to jump into the unknown. Which is why preachers often need to take things slow.

Yes, prophets are needed. But so are pastors. If somehow these two realities could be held together at all times, preaching might just--by the power of the Spirit--be the thing it is meant to be.

Raven Haired Riddle

Sonnet VII

From end to end the earth does not allow
Extremities as deep as those inside
No tempest, gale, tornado can endow
To me a greater storm in which to hide.
Like sun reflected from a crystal sea,
Her eyes remind at once of younger days
A laugh, a touch, a season filled with ease
Recall at once my heart that's never strayed.
Yet steady her affections seem not be,
And knowing this I comprehend so well
That though again what both my eyes have seen
Her wish remains still that an end be called.
On days like this it seems, just as she spoke;
On others? Moments bright yet rumour hope.

-J. Ziefle-