Domine, Exaudi Vocem Meam

Part I

During my last year of seminary, I took a class wherein I had to design my own funeral service. For some, this might be morbid. For the future minister, it's "kind of cool."

And so I did, right down to who I wanted to preach, fitting funeral music, and where the casket was to bit situated.

While all of that is interesting in its own right, the thing that has stayed with me the longest about the project was the Scripture I wanted preached at my funeral, Genesis 32:22-30.

It's the story where Jacob wrestles with God.

I suppose, idealistically, that this is how I wanted my life to be remembered. I wanted to be known as someone who really sought God's will and wasn't satisfied with the easy answers.

The problem is, I'm not sure that's the best picture of my life...I don't think I've wrestled that much with Him.

But I want to.

And to that end, it seems, I've begun to start. But as I prayed last night, I began to wonder what the bounds of this new "wrestling" ought to be. What is it even supposed to look like?

Well, Jacob was a schemer, we know that. He stole his brother's birthright.

Jacob was patient, too. He labored 14 long years to be able to marry the woman of his choice.

Patient scheming. Is this the answer to what it means to wrestle with God? Does it really mean just grabbing onto Him and using the power of your own wits until you get what you want?

Is that how this all works? 'Cause Heaven knows I'm trying to wrestle with God right now and still not sure exactly what to do.

To be continued....