The Jeffersons

Not too long ago, I was applying for various PhD programs. Part of that process includes submitting a sample of one's scholarly writing for academic perusal. Deciding what to pick and how to revise it can be a bit nerveracking.

My job, however, was fairly easy. Since I'd only written one paper in American religious history during my entire time at seminary, I simply submitted that paper. It was about Thomas Jefferson and his edition of the New Testament known as "The Jefferson Bible."

What really grabbed me during this study was the title of one of the books I used. It called Jefferson a "grieving optimist." I liked the phrase...its juxtaposition of hope and fear. Pain and joy. Life and death. In my paper I tended to view Jefferson this way--a man whose vision of human progress (and subsequent rejection of organized religion) remained expansive at the same time the experiences of life and his own temperament always made the path of faith a powerful draw.

During my research, I came upon a beautiful description of the great Jefferson alone with his Bible after the death of his daughter. Solitary and reflective...and probably praying to a God he may intellectually have concluded was unable to answer. Simply remarkable.

Now, I don't wish the be misunderstood at this point...I am not pleased that Jefferson was upset. I am not rejoicing that his pain led him to God. Not at all. Rather, I'm just marvelling at how he was such a complete contradiction and how compelling the path to God was when there was nothing left for him. When he felt alone. When he was stripped bare.

I feel the part of the grieving optimist sometimes. Not in the same way as Jefferson...but still. The label fits...there's always that mixture. Perhaps those two words are simply what it means to be alive. To move through this world in any meaningful way.

To be one or the other is to venture into danger. Show me a total optimist and I'll show you a fool. Show me a complete griever and I'll show you someone not long for this world.

To be both? Well, that's just how it is most of the time.

For though the joy of the Lord may be a steady stream to which we may turn, the momentary--and contradictory--currents of grief and optimism can surprise us throughout our time in its waters...making the journey one of more growth than we could have ever imagined.

At the very least, it's something to think about.