Anyone that knows me well will be able to tell you that I have been through quite a lot these past few months. The stresses and anxieties of life, the ministry to which God has called me, and the choices I have made have led at times to some rather dark places.The interesting thing about these places is that through them I have yet again become acquainted with my own creativity. Yes, in some sense I suppose its always there, latent and waiting. But it is only extreme emotion--most often sadness and longing--that brings it to the fore.
Why? Well, for me it is these moments when I am most in touch with my own emotions. When what I feel is right near the top of my mind. When it flows most easily into words.
It is never fun to feel this way. Not one bit. Even so, it is mostly then I feel that I can really speak truth...really get inspired...really be honest about life. Really share something that is true in a very particular way.
Facts are sometimes just facts. As a historian I deal with them frequently...and I like them. It's why when I first became a Christian the historical books of the Bible were my favorites. I enjoyed the stories.
Yet some years later I find my preferences have shifted, tending more towards the poetic and emotional books of the biblical canon.
Psalms. Jeremiah. Ecclesiastes.
Though the stories of Genesis are often quite interesting, I feel as if I understand them pretty well by now. I get what happened with Noah. With King Josiah. With Cain and Abel.
The emotions felt by the prophets and psalm writers? Well, I understand them too...but each time I read them I am able to experience them anew. To feel as they do. To hear their words and know they are true in a way that never gets old.
When I am going through tough times, their stringent and emotional honesty help carry me along in a way that I'm not sure any book of history could. Those writings have their use--to be sure--and are often full of gritty feeling themselves...but I know that when I am depressed, the first place I often go is David's psalms.
Because, well, I love them.
3 comments:
"I call on the Lord in my distress, and he answers me." - Psalm 120:1
I like Proverbs. They provide me with comfort and a sense of stability.
I completely understand what you mean about the creativity flowing from intense emotion. Sometimes I yearn to allow myself to fall back into depression because I miss the ideas that would come during those dark times, but then I remember how really truly horrible it feels and become scared of getting even close.
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