As we were talking, I began to realize how silly and uncomfortable I felt about my answers. And I knew it was not a lack of belief that held me back, for I trust firmly in the work of the Holy Spirit in my life. In many ways, it had more to do with the fact that I wasn't able to provide an intellectually defensible system that would stand up to scrutiny.
So because I couldn't be as logical as the situation required, I felt foolish. I guess that's what seminary has done to my already too logical mind over the past three years--made everything I believe have to fit into little systems and structures that are intricate as they are respectable.
Mr. Spock would be proud.
But life isn't like that, and neither is my relationship with God. Whether I speak of God's comfort or His guidance or praising God in tongues...it is all true. It is all real. But good luck trying to be able to explain that in any way that makes sense.
I guess during my recent conversation I was reminded that many times, the only way to truly understand a thing is to be intimately involved in it.
Consider for a minute the reasons why we love another person. Do any of those reasons ever come close to the depth of our hearts? Hardly.
In the same way, I can't help but think that I need to step away from the seminary mindset and simply throw myself in the arms of the One who will never let me fall.
This may not make any sense to those looking for systems and theories, but it does make sense to me. It makes sense because God has spoken to me, God has touched me, and God holds me in the palm of His hand. It makes sense because in spite of the fact that I can't give you any hard evidence to back me up, its true. In the end, maybe that is all I can say.
Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.
Psalm 34:8
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